Ask the question nobody asks at the table

Most Thanksgiving tables hear the same few stories every year, and the ones nobody has asked about never get told. Childhood memories fade, about 15% of them every decade, so the stories your parents can still tell are worth asking for now.

Here are 30 questions to bring to the table this year, or to a video call if you can’t be there. Pick one or two. The rest will keep.

How to ask at the table

• Ask the oldest person first. Everyone else listens. One good story beats ten quick answers.
• Ask before the food goes cold. Over the meal, not after it, when people drift to the couch.
• Let the children ask one. Grandparents tell a grandchild things they never tell us.
• Keep the answer. Record it with their permission, or write a few lines down the same night.

The holidays they grew up with

1. What is the first holiday meal you can remember?
2. Who did the cooking, and what was your job?
3. Which dish did everyone wait all year for?
4. Who sat at the table when you were a child, and where did you sit?
5. What did your home smell like on a holiday morning?
6. Was there a family tradition that only your family had?
7. Which relative always told the best stories at the table?

The home and people who shaped them

1. What did a normal evening look like in the house you grew up in?
2. Who made you laugh the most when you were a child?
3. Was there someone in your young life who believed in you before you did?
4. What is one thing your parents taught you that you still believe?
5. Which friend from those years do you wish you could sit with again?
6. What did your first home of your own look like?

Gratitude, looking back

1. What are you most grateful for, looking back on your life?
2. Who helped you most when you were starting out, and did you ever thank them?
3. What is something hard you went through that you’re now quietly grateful for?
4. Which year of your life would you like to live again?
5. What is something you’re proud of that you’ve never really bragged about?

About us, and the family to come

1. What do you remember about the first Thanksgiving after I was born?
2. What was I like as a child at holiday dinners?
3. How did you two spend your first holiday together?
4. Which tradition do you most hope the grandchildren keep?
5. Which recipe should someone write down before it’s lost?
6. What do you hope this family is still doing in twenty years?
7. If you could ask the grandchildren one thing about their world, what would it be?

For grandchildren to ask

Short and concrete works best for children. Let them ask in their own words.

1. What games did you play outside when you were my age?
2. What was your favourite food when you were little?
3. What was school like for you?
4. Who was your best friend, and what did you do together?
5. What did you want to be when you grew up?

If you can’t be there this year

• Send the question ahead. A message the day before gives them time to remember.
• Call before the meal. Once the table fills up, nobody hears anything.
• Ask for a voice note. Many parents find it easier to talk into a phone than to write.
• Share it with everyone. One answer, heard by every sibling and grandchild, keeps the whole family at the same table.

Questions people ask

Want more? Read 100 questions to ask your parents for the rest of the year, or see what Mulam is.