Ask Amma about her first Diwali

The oldest Diwali stories in your family live with your parents: the first diya they remember, the sweets made at home, the crackers saved for the night. Childhood memories fade, about 15% of them every decade, and the Diwalis our parents grew up with are some of the richest they have.

Here are 30 questions to ask them this Diwali, in person or on a video call. Pick one or two. The rest will keep for next year.

How to ask on a Diwali call

• Ask before the rush. The evening is all puja and guests. Call in the morning, or the day before, when there’s time to wander.
• One question, then listen. The best follow-up is “and then what happened?”
• Let the children ask one. Grandparents tell a grandchild things they never tell us.
• Keep the answer. Record it with their permission, or ask them to reply with a voice note.

Their first Diwalis

1. What is the first Diwali you can remember?
2. Who lit the first diya in your house, and where did they put it?
3. What did your home smell like on Diwali morning?
4. Which sweets were made at home, and who made the best ones?
5. What was your job while the sweets were being made?
6. Did you get new clothes for Diwali? What were they?
7. What did crackers cost when you were small, and who bought them?
8. Which cracker were you scared of?

Diwali in the home they grew up in

1. Who drew the rangoli or kolam at your door, and what were the patterns?
2. Did your family wake before dawn for an oil bath on Diwali morning?
3. How did your family do the Lakshmi Puja, and who led it?
4. Did anyone in the family start new account books at Diwali?
5. Which relatives came to visit, and who always brought the best box of sweets?
6. What did your street look like on Diwali night?
7. Did you send or receive Diwali cards or letters? Who from?

Firsts and turning points

1. Do you remember your first Diwali after you were married? Whose house was it at?
2. What was my first Diwali like?
3. Was there a Diwali you spent away from home? How did you celebrate it?
4. Which Diwali was the hardest, and how did the family still celebrate?
5. Which Diwali do you remember as the happiest?

Traditions to keep

1. Which Diwali tradition do you most want the grandchildren to keep?
2. What did your mother or grandmother always do at Diwali that nobody does now?
3. Which Diwali recipe should someone write down before it’s lost?
4. What does Diwali mean to you now, compared with when you were a child?
5. If you could spend one more Diwali with someone from the past, who would it be?

For grandchildren to ask

Short and concrete works best for children. Let them ask in their own words.

1. What games did you play at Diwali when you were my age?
2. What was your favourite sweet when you were little?
3. Were you allowed to light crackers by yourself?
4. What did you wear on Diwali when you were a child?
5. What story did the grown-ups tell you about why we celebrate Diwali?

If you’re far away this Diwali

• Send the question ahead. A message the day before (“tomorrow, tell me about your first Diwali”) gives them time to remember.
• Light a diya together. On the video call, both of you, wherever you are.
• Mind the time zone. Their morning is the quiet part of their Diwali; that’s when stories come.
• Share it with the family. One answer, heard by every brother, sister and grandchild, is a Diwali gift in itself.

Questions people ask

Want more? Read 100 questions to ask your parents for the rest of the year, or see what Mulam is.