100 questions to ask your parents before the stories fade

Most of us know our parents as parents. We know far less about the people they were before us: the child who walked to school, the young person who left home with one bag, the couple who argued over a scooter and made up the same evening. Those stories live only in their memory, and they don’t get told unless someone asks.

The questions below are grouped by theme. The ones marked Mulam asks are questions from Mulam’s own daily set. Pick one that feels right for today. You don’t need to ask them in order, and you never need to ask them all.

How to ask so they actually talk

• Ask one question at a time. A list feels like a form. One good question, with time to wander, gets a story.
• Go through the senses, not the calendar. “What did that kitchen smell like?” opens more doors than “What year was that?”
• Ask for a story, not a fact. “Tell me about the day you…” invites a scene. “When did you…” gets a number.
• Never quiz them. If a name won’t come, let it go. It’s a conversation, not a memory test.
• Follow the tangent. The best follow-up is “and then what happened?” The story they drift into is often the one worth keeping.
• Let them answer out loud. Talking is easier than typing, and their voice is part of the memory.

Who they are

1. What does everyone in the family call you, and do you know who first started calling you that? Mulam asks
2. Who chose your name, and what were they hoping it would mean?
3. If I asked your oldest friend to describe you in one word, what word would they pick? Mulam asks
4. What were you like at my age?
5. What is a small, ordinary thing that quietly makes your day better? Mulam asks
6. What is something about you that most people would be surprised to learn?
7. Which of your habits did you get from your own mother or father?
8. What do you still dream of doing one day?

The place they grew up

1. When you close your eyes and picture the place you grew up, what is the very first thing you see? Mulam asks
2. What was the sound of early morning in that home when you were small? Mulam asks
3. Who lived in your house when you were a child, and where did everyone sleep?
4. What did your street or village look like, and which neighbours did everyone know?
5. Was there a corner of that house that felt like yours?
6. What did the weather of your childhood smell like, and what did you do when the season turned? Mulam asks
7. Where did you go when you wanted to be alone?
8. How did you get to school, and how long did it take?
9. What did a normal evening look like in your home?
10. If you could walk through that house one more time, which room would you stop in first?

School and childhood

1. Who was the teacher everyone was scared of, and did they turn out to be kind?
2. What was your favourite subject, and what did you secretly want to become?
3. What games did you play outside, and who always won?
4. What trouble did you get into that you still remember?
5. Who was your best friend at school, and what happened to them?
6. What did you do in the long summer holidays?
7. What was the best gift you got as a child?
8. Was there something you wanted badly that the family couldn’t afford?
9. What did you want to be when you grew up, and what happened to that dream?

The people who shaped them

1. Who made you laugh the most when you were a child? Mulam asks
2. What was your mother like when you were small? What do you remember her doing every day?
3. What was your father like? What did he care about most?
4. When you needed comfort as a young person, whose shoulder did you go to? Mulam asks
5. Was there someone in your young life who believed in you before you believed in yourself? Mulam asks
6. What do you remember about your own grandparents?
7. Which brother, sister or cousin were you closest to, and why?
8. Tell me about a friend from those years you wish you could sit with for one more afternoon. Mulam asks
9. Who in the family told the best stories?
10. Is there someone you never got to thank properly?

Food, festivals and home

Food is the easiest door in. One dish brings back a person, a kitchen and a celebration all at once, and for many Indian families the festivals carry the richest memories of all.

1. What did your mother or grandmother cook that you can still smell if you think about it? Mulam asks
2. Was there a treat you only got on special days? Mulam asks
3. Which festival turned your whole house upside down with joy: Diwali, Eid, Pongal? Mulam asks
4. Who did the cooking for festivals, and what was your job?
5. What new clothes did you get for festivals, and did you like them?
6. What did one rupee buy you at the bazaar when you were young? Mulam asks
7. Is there a taste today that instantly takes you back to being young? Mulam asks
8. Which family recipe do you wish someone had written down?
9. What did a wedding in your family look like when you were young?
10. What food did you miss most when you first lived away from home?

Diwali coming up? Read 30 Diwali questions to ask your parents, starting with their first Diwali.

Growing up and leaving home

1. Tell me about the day your life quietly changed direction: a move, a marriage, a first job. Mulam asks
2. What was your very first job, and what did your first earnings feel like in your hand? Mulam asks
3. What did you spend your first salary on?
4. When you left your childhood home for the first time, what did you carry with you, and what did you leave behind? Mulam asks
5. Was there a moment you felt truly grown up for the first time? Mulam asks
6. What was the hardest decision you made when you were young?
7. Who helped you when you were starting out?
8. What was your first home of your own like?
9. What did your parents think of the work you chose?
10. Which year of your life would you like to live again?

Love and marriage

1. How did the two of you meet, and what did you notice first?
2. Was your marriage arranged, a love match, or a bit of both?
3. What did you think of each other’s families at first?
4. What do you remember about your wedding day?
5. What was your first year of marriage really like?
6. What is the kindest thing your partner ever did for you?
7. What did you argue about when you were young, and how did you make up?
8. What advice would you give someone about to marry?
9. What made you laugh together, even in hard times?

Becoming a parent (and what we were like)

1. What did you feel the day I was born?
2. Who chose my name, and why?
3. What was I like as a baby, and what kept you up at night?
4. What did our home look like when I was small?
5. What was the hardest part of raising us?
6. Is there something you did as a parent that you would do differently now?
7. What is a funny thing I did as a child that I don’t remember?
8. What did you hope we would become?
9. When did you feel most proud of us?
10. What did you go without so that we could have more?

The times they lived through

1. When you were young, how did news reach your house, and who usually heard it first? Mulam asks
2. Was there a song that everyone your age seemed to know back then? Mulam asks
3. Is there a Rafi or Lata song that takes you straight back to being twenty? Mulam asks
4. Was there a film you saw so many times you knew the dialogues? Mulam asks
5. Do you remember the first time you saw a television, a telephone or a car up close?
6. What did a trip to the cinema cost, and who did you go with?
7. Which big event do you remember exactly where you were when you heard about it?
8. How did people write to each other, and who wrote to you?
9. What has changed the most since you were young, for better and for worse?
10. What is something from your childhood that my children will never get to see?

Beliefs, lessons and hopes

1. What is one thing your parents taught you that you still believe to this day? Mulam asks
2. Looking back, what is something hard you went through that you’re now quietly grateful for? Mulam asks
3. When the day feels heavy, is there a prayer, a saying or a song that steadies you? Mulam asks
4. What is something you’re proud of that you’ve never really bragged about? Mulam asks
5. What do you know now that you wish you had known at thirty?
6. What does a good life mean to you?
7. What are you most grateful for?
8. Is there anything you’d like to say to someone that you never got to say?
9. Which traditions do you hope our family keeps?
10. What is one thing you hope your grandchildren remember about you, long after? Mulam asks
11. What is something you’d love to teach your grandchildren that no school will? Mulam asks
12. If you could ask your grandchildren one thing about their world today, what would it be? Mulam asks
13. How would you like to be remembered?
14. What should I ask you that I never have?

If you live far away

When your parents are in another city or another country, the weekly call fills up with weather, health and logistics. The stories never get a turn. A few things help:

• Bring one question to every call. Ask it near the start, before the to-do list takes over.
• Swap typing for voice notes. Many parents find it far easier to reply to a question by voice than to write.
• Share the asking. Brothers, sisters and grandchildren can each take a theme, so your parent hears from everyone.
• Keep the answers in one place. A story told on a call is gone by the next one unless someone saves it.

How to keep their answers

Write down the best lines the same day, while you still remember how they said them. Record calls only with their permission, and keep the recordings somewhere the whole family can reach. Or let Mulam do the asking:

Questions people ask

More about Mulam: what Mulam is and what the name means · frequently asked questions · the Mulam app